even my farts smell like vagina
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
