you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
