also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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