Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
