Are we in a gay sports bar?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
