i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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