Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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