He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
