OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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