I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
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Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
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He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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