just tell him i said nine months
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
