i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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