I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
