Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
