oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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