when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
