Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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