His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
