You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
