Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
