She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
