she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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