i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
tell me about the fingering
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