i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
