I faked an abortion last night.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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