What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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