I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
