just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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