She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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