my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
