I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
