I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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