You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
