I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
