We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
