There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
where are you?
Hypothermia
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize