You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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