we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
