life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize