i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
