I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
