I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
