Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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