After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
