I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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