Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Randomize
