we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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