just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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