And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
