you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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