he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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