frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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