Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
