Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
