i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
