We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
