1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
