If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
