so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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