Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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