My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
