New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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