I hate all girls vehemently.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
