We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
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The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize