I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
