I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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