Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
