I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
