finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
