..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
