I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
