its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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