Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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