I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he shaved USA in his pubs
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i am craving dick and cupcakes
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
